a letter

i thought you could love me
you said it once
now you confuse me
i didn't want to believe you then
but you were so convincing
you made me believe you
you gave me no reason to doubt
what could have happened
to make you fall out of love
so quickly?
what could i have done to turn you
away from me?
it's tearing me apart inside
i just can't bring myself to tell you
i don't want to upset this balance
i want you to understand me
i want you to be a part of me
and to let me be a part of you
i can never feel like this again
i will never find someone like you
i have never felt this much before
this extreme sadness,
and emotional exhaustion.
i need for you to understand
my pain, my helplessness.
i don't know how to make you aware
i know it'll push you away.
it would kill me
if we were to never be friends again.
i want you to be a part of my life
words alone cannot express what i feel
look deep into my eyes
into my soul,
and you can only begin to understand
the anguish i feel
i write this, not to blame you
or place the burden on your shoulders.
i have no pride left.
but yet i haven't he strength of will
to tell you this face to face.
as i write this, i am fighting the tears
this is my final plea to you
my final word on the matter
i want you to tell me
i want to know, for the last time
i don't want to wonder any more
no more dreams
no more fantasies
no more delusions.
after this, there can be no friendship
you make no move to show you care
no move to stay in my life
and i'm too afraid to make a move
to stay in yours
i will no longer be able to look at you
with any sense of self-respect
i hate myself for what i've let
become of me
i am not a woman of determination
i am not a girl of starry-eyed infatuation
i must get over it, i must move on
i want to be in your life,
but i see no way to fit
you've many friends
i know you can do quite well without me
you've done fine these past few months
i only hope you find someone, someday
that you will love unconditionally
that you will have no qualms
about being with
and that she will treat you well
i wish i could be that person
but it's obvious i'm not
i only hope that someday
you will look back and think of me
and smile for me
i'll try to do the same for you.