my apology to the world

i've hurt a lot of people. i've taken too much for
granted. maybe it took me a long time to figure
this out, but i have. i was selfish. now i realize
how much i could have had. not only could i
have made others happy, i could have been happy too.
i was stupid, always looking for something better.
in the end, i'm the one by myself. alone. i've no
one to lean on, no one to love. but now that i've
realized this, i can move on and start over. i can
try again. i'm at a new stage in my life. i've
matured, almost overnight. now i only wish
i could get back what i had before. i'm torn
between my past and the future. it's been hard
for me to find true happiness here. i know i
should be patient, but patience is not a virtue
of mine. perhaps that's the next step of my
maturity. i've found someone who makes me
feel light and happy. maybe it's love. i know it
could become love. i only wish i knew what
feelings he had for me. i haven't fallen for anyone
this quickly, ever. i've been in love before, and
i think it's time again. i'm almost in a state of
denial, because i don't want to get hurt again.
my heart is so battered , so beaten. it's had
a good while to heal though, and i think i'm ready
to try again. all i want is to be loved. then again,
isn't that what everyone wants?

10/2/98