control

fucking shoot me
put me out of my misery
i fucked up again
and let my feelings run rampant
and now i'm sitting here
pouring my heart out on paper
(cause there's no one to listen...)
hoping it'll make me feel better
but it won't
it never does
all it does is allow me
to go back in a day
a month
a year
and rehash all this shit in my head
and get fucking pissed again
hate myself some more
because i can't control myself.

6/23/01