hell in my head

i thought i could take on the world
and trudge through, without stopping.
i feel like i've hit a brick wall
and i'm trying to take it apart
brick by brick...
even though my nails are broken
and bloody,
my arms hurt from the strain,
and my mind is telling me to give up
i press on
kicking at the bricks
until i collapse in a heap
on the ground
the brick wall still standing
proudly in front of me.
as i lay sobbing in the dirt
i feel as though the bricks
are laughing at me
and taunting me
their familiar voices
telling me to give up...
i can't help but let the voices
get in my head
tattooing their depression on my brain
for me to carry always.
their stamps of inadequecy
remain on my mind.
i can't shut them out..
they are everywhere.
coming in through my pores
slinking around in my head
never to let me sleep.
they permeate my dreams
turning them into nightmares
forcing me to wake up
and find myself
back in my dismal reality.

3/30/00